Persistent Avoidance
As if that makes any sense?! But it sure does sound good doesnt it?
Well, here I am...I've been trying to start blogging or other words...journaling when I need to or whatever is more convenient...But myspace just wasnt what I was looking for. I figured itd be easier since I already had a blog with myspace but I just didnt like everything about it and figured itd be nicer to start here...I downloaded the app and didnt start but now a month later I'm doing it...go figure.
My thoughts of late are about being alone. I avoid them like the plague though I realize that I'm quite content with being alone..I'm just sick of it...I want someone special and it seems as if now that I am stable and happy mentally that no one wants me but when I was so called crazy and all...I always had someone...that needy want and need and had to have was easy to fill but now I just want. I dont need someone...I'd like someone to help me in my journey...not help as in anything more than just being there...unselfish and all. I'm hoping this year turns out something new for me...so far I have someone playing me like a puppet doll and pulling on my strings which normally doesnt mess with me but I'm getting mixed signals and quite frankly...its getting annoying. I dont dwell because I'd rather not. I dont NEED anyone...I wont MAKE anyone want to be with me and I will NOT beg or plead. Either they want the same or I'm done. I'm not playing games but I will say a bit of a chase is fun...but thats just not my style.
Also seems everytime I get into a thinking mode and I start typing...I suddenly dont really care about doing it anymore...now...I've said everything I needed to say earlier and I thought everything I needed to think....so much going on and I just dont want to type it all out....not at 1:41am when I spent hours setting things up since my master reset on my phone....should have done this earlier...I have two days off so maybe I may share more..probably so considering the strings being pulled....oh how I long to be happy with someone by my side. ah well...for now, I have Shadow and Punkin....Minxi and Onyx arent here now...time for some Queer as Folk...on the last season...*sigh*....till I crazily blog once more...random thoughts and random processing.
Well, here I am...I've been trying to start blogging or other words...journaling when I need to or whatever is more convenient...But myspace just wasnt what I was looking for. I figured itd be easier since I already had a blog with myspace but I just didnt like everything about it and figured itd be nicer to start here...I downloaded the app and didnt start but now a month later I'm doing it...go figure.
My thoughts of late are about being alone. I avoid them like the plague though I realize that I'm quite content with being alone..I'm just sick of it...I want someone special and it seems as if now that I am stable and happy mentally that no one wants me but when I was so called crazy and all...I always had someone...that needy want and need and had to have was easy to fill but now I just want. I dont need someone...I'd like someone to help me in my journey...not help as in anything more than just being there...unselfish and all. I'm hoping this year turns out something new for me...so far I have someone playing me like a puppet doll and pulling on my strings which normally doesnt mess with me but I'm getting mixed signals and quite frankly...its getting annoying. I dont dwell because I'd rather not. I dont NEED anyone...I wont MAKE anyone want to be with me and I will NOT beg or plead. Either they want the same or I'm done. I'm not playing games but I will say a bit of a chase is fun...but thats just not my style.
Also seems everytime I get into a thinking mode and I start typing...I suddenly dont really care about doing it anymore...now...I've said everything I needed to say earlier and I thought everything I needed to think....so much going on and I just dont want to type it all out....not at 1:41am when I spent hours setting things up since my master reset on my phone....should have done this earlier...I have two days off so maybe I may share more..probably so considering the strings being pulled....oh how I long to be happy with someone by my side. ah well...for now, I have Shadow and Punkin....Minxi and Onyx arent here now...time for some Queer as Folk...on the last season...*sigh*....till I crazily blog once more...random thoughts and random processing.
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